So it's no secret, Princess is potty trained.....sort of. But let me explain my week last week. It all started one morning, I wanna say Wednesday or Thursday, but truthfully, all days are a blur anymore (is that a bad sign or normal?). I am woken to the normal strains of "let's go pee and have some juice," to which I offer my normal counter of "if you have to pee, the bathroom is right there, just do it." Next thing I know, I hear something that sounds like a garden hose or a fountain and I peak into the bathroom. What a sight I was greeted with...butt naked 4 year old, standing on top of her step stool, reaching to turn on the light, with left leg out to the side, peeing on her stool like a dog on a fire hydrant. Naturally, I jump up and run in the bathroom, saying "AAAHHH!! What are you doing? GO ON THE POTTY!!!" So she gets down and starts to run to the potty, a mere foot away. Oh this isn't going to end well....
BAM!! Down goes Frazier! Well, Princess, anyways. You becha, slipped on her own pee and fell down. Seriously, no physical comedian in the history of physical comedians had ANYTHING on what I witnessed. Don't know WHY we decided to pee on the floor, but the rest of the day went with a general lack of fanfare, so I figured it was a simple loss of judgement and dismissed it. Then it happened again on Sunday....twice. I finally determined, based on urine placement and proximity to the toilet, she was always trying to make it to the bathroom, but since the light in the upstairs bathroom is in the dumbest spot possible, she would reach and reach for it, causing her to lose control of herself, since she is 4 and basically waits until the last possible second to relieve herself.
My Rumblings About Things That Don't Matter in Real Life
Friday, April 30, 2010
Who Has the Time?
Here we go again, the onslaught of tons of stuff to do, no time to do it in, and a sense of "why am I so busy yet nothing seems to get done?" I don't think people without children understand it. Hell, even people WITH children don't understand it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, I just can't seem to get a grasp on the situation. I have a newsletter to publish, a child to raise, a part time job, and I can't seem to keep up with cleaning my house. It makes me really wonder how people do this. It makes me question myself and my ability to do ANYTHING anymore.....but I digress, enough about me.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Why Did My Kid Give Up Sleeping?
So the sickness has finally died, but now....we don't sleep anymore. I'm not quite sure WHY there is a face all up in my business by, at the latest, 6:30 am anymore, but it's got to stop! The insane pollen in Columbus is killing my eyes as it is, the lack of sleep isn't helping me!!
But why? Why are we suddenly losing massive amounts of sleep at our house, on a more-than-regular basis? Is it because Ohio has become Arizona? OK, so 65 during the day isn't exactly Arizona, but lows in the 30s at night are a wee bit excessive. My point? Is she waking up cold and unable to share with the rest of the class?
SOMEBODY JUST GIVE ME THE ANSWER!! MAMA NEEDS SLEEP!!! (Of course, any sound, rational, well-rested person would tell you, there is no answer, but that is not me today. COFFEE'S DONE!!)
But why? Why are we suddenly losing massive amounts of sleep at our house, on a more-than-regular basis? Is it because Ohio has become Arizona? OK, so 65 during the day isn't exactly Arizona, but lows in the 30s at night are a wee bit excessive. My point? Is she waking up cold and unable to share with the rest of the class?
SOMEBODY JUST GIVE ME THE ANSWER!! MAMA NEEDS SLEEP!!! (Of course, any sound, rational, well-rested person would tell you, there is no answer, but that is not me today. COFFEE'S DONE!!)
Thursday, April 8, 2010
This is the Day that Never Ends....It Just Goes On and On My Friends....
So as previously chronicled, this has been a shit-tacular day. After the longest morning of my life, a morning that makes college exams seem like a cakewalk, Princess finally, FINALLY, passed out a little after 2:00 for a nap. I spent the rest of the afternoon in a relative daze, considered taking a nap myself before realizing I would just feel like garbage afterwards, and instead opted for an afternoon of reading The Wall Street Journal. Right around 4:00 (I didn't get down to the computer until almost 3, so it wasn't THAT long), I ended my brain-snack and started to think about cleaning up after Tropical Storm Cranky Pants. Then there she was....
I sat motionless for a while, like the prey trying to avoid the T-Rex, so that I could judge her demeanor before making any sudden moves. She was, surprisingly, pleasant, pretty, and punctual. She sat down at the kitchen table, still in a bit of a stupor, then began playing. And I mean PLAYING. I think she played with every toy in the house that she could get her hands on. Then I made dinner, and it was a fabulous dinner, if I do say so myself. Tangy Ranch Chicken, Green Beans, Chicken Noodles, and skillet fried potatoes. Princess had pizza (her choice, the 1st food choice in a week) and green beans. So everyone sits down to eat and things are going well. We say our prayers and begin to eat. Midway through dinner, Daddy is done, and Princess and I are left to finish. So there we sit, her giggling and giggling, when suddenly, I realize I had made her laugh so hard she was choking on her pizza. Then she throws up all over the table. Ah crap...
So we get her cleaned up, I do the dishes, she's again playing. I go upstairs to change out of my dishwater-stained shirt, and come back to find her staring at the refrigerator trying to find certain letters. Two minutes later, there is this on the kitchen table...
She did that all on her own, I swear it! The only thing I did was point out she could turn a "Z" sideways to make an "N." Have I mentioned my child is a freaking GENIUS???!!!!! Sure, she's seen that movie, and more than once, but that takes amazing intelligence to remember something that literally flashes onto a screen! Earlier in the day, she did this...
So the moral of the story? At the end of the day, you probably did something right...
I sat motionless for a while, like the prey trying to avoid the T-Rex, so that I could judge her demeanor before making any sudden moves. She was, surprisingly, pleasant, pretty, and punctual. She sat down at the kitchen table, still in a bit of a stupor, then began playing. And I mean PLAYING. I think she played with every toy in the house that she could get her hands on. Then I made dinner, and it was a fabulous dinner, if I do say so myself. Tangy Ranch Chicken, Green Beans, Chicken Noodles, and skillet fried potatoes. Princess had pizza (her choice, the 1st food choice in a week) and green beans. So everyone sits down to eat and things are going well. We say our prayers and begin to eat. Midway through dinner, Daddy is done, and Princess and I are left to finish. So there we sit, her giggling and giggling, when suddenly, I realize I had made her laugh so hard she was choking on her pizza. Then she throws up all over the table. Ah crap...
So we get her cleaned up, I do the dishes, she's again playing. I go upstairs to change out of my dishwater-stained shirt, and come back to find her staring at the refrigerator trying to find certain letters. Two minutes later, there is this on the kitchen table...
She did that all on her own, I swear it! The only thing I did was point out she could turn a "Z" sideways to make an "N." Have I mentioned my child is a freaking GENIUS???!!!!! Sure, she's seen that movie, and more than once, but that takes amazing intelligence to remember something that literally flashes onto a screen! Earlier in the day, she did this...
So the moral of the story? At the end of the day, you probably did something right...
I NEED A BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!
Right now, Miss Cranky Butt and I have been separated, because otherwise, I fear I may lose it and finally stick my head in the oven. Ever have one of those days where you just repeat in your head, "you chose to have a child, you chose to have a child," to keep your sanity? This is my day....
This is how I was woken up today: a removed, thankfully clean, pullup was shoved in my face at 7:14am. That, so far, has been the highlight of my day. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but CALGON TAKE ME AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The sickness has still not died, it lives on in the form of a deep, hacking cough. Benadryl has been administered. I'm finding myself in a Catch-22, though, because part of me hopes she drops into a nap, and part of me wants her to stay up and go to bed relatively early, so that I can watch Grey's and Private Practice in relative peace, if they're even on. And now I want to read that book....
But this is how my morning has been:
Miss CB: "Let's play downstairs"
Mommy: "You need to eat your waffle first."
Miss CB: wrenches face into pathetic baby scowl, pulls strand of hair out of ponytail, picks up plate, and throws it across the room, screaming and crying...
Mommy: "Well there goes playing downstairs for the rest of the day...and if you keep that screaming up, the rest of your life."
Stay tuned....
**UPDATE** Given a chance for simple redemption, an opportunity to regain access to her Downstairs Queendom: poop on the potty. We will remain above ground for the remainder of the day....
This is how I was woken up today: a removed, thankfully clean, pullup was shoved in my face at 7:14am. That, so far, has been the highlight of my day. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but CALGON TAKE ME AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The sickness has still not died, it lives on in the form of a deep, hacking cough. Benadryl has been administered. I'm finding myself in a Catch-22, though, because part of me hopes she drops into a nap, and part of me wants her to stay up and go to bed relatively early, so that I can watch Grey's and Private Practice in relative peace, if they're even on. And now I want to read that book....
But this is how my morning has been:
Miss CB: "Let's play downstairs"
Mommy: "You need to eat your waffle first."
Miss CB: wrenches face into pathetic baby scowl, pulls strand of hair out of ponytail, picks up plate, and throws it across the room, screaming and crying...
Mommy: "Well there goes playing downstairs for the rest of the day...and if you keep that screaming up, the rest of your life."
Stay tuned....
**UPDATE** Given a chance for simple redemption, an opportunity to regain access to her Downstairs Queendom: poop on the potty. We will remain above ground for the remainder of the day....
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Easter, Opening Day, and The Sickness That Won't Die...
Welp, Jesus rose again! I know, I'm going to hell...
So anyways, Easter...most 4 year old children eat tons of candy, making holidays like Halloween and Easter cheap and affordable. Well, Princess likes to be new and different, so she doesn't eat candy. This means two things: (1) Mommy gains weight twice a year, and (2) these holidays mean very little to her. So getting her excited for the Easter Bunny is quite a chore. See, Santa was easy, especially since we used potty training as a bribe (AWESOME idea, Aunt Wonder Woman!), but the Easter Bunny? It took until very late March to even get her to care. But she did start to answer when asked what the Easter Bunny would bring her....
So Holy Saturday, a day after battling the bug, Neena, Princess, and I went to THE Walmart, just to get Princess out of the house, since the bug had had her confined....and she was driving me crazy. On the way home, we hit up Rita's to get some Chocolate Covered Peeps Italian Ice/Custard (HOLY CRAP that was worth the trip). Once home, we watched the end of the game (dammit, Izzo) and started to watch Moses. Princess goes to bed, with relatively little fanfare since we slept about 4 hours that afternoon, and I start to put things together, since Daddy was at the Vigil Mass.
First up, the slide. This should be a simple task....30 minutes later, after nearly breaking my thumb, that was done. Next, the big wheel. Again, should be no big deal. I jokingly said, "I bet the Jews will be done with their 40 years of suffering before I get this built." I will never make such assesments again, and I'm fairly certain God was punishing me. Moses was up and down the mountain, 40 years passed, and I was still building a friggin big wheel.....
I know what you're thinking, "THAT LOOKS LIKE CHRISTMAS!" What can I say? "Anything worth doin' is worth doin' right," - Jimmy Duggan. So this is totally gonna be AWESOME...morning rolls around, sleepy, somewhat cranky child emerges from her room, down the stairs we go...
Yeah, she's cute, it's cool...you can say it. Church, which she was very excited for, then Great Grandma's for dinner. Princess is just NOT right...tired, cranky, not listening to anyone. Back home, more crank, play outside with ALL her new toys, inside for bath, more crank, head off to bed, asleep in 5 minutes....Monday morning, more crank, hang out with Neena, go to Target, BAM! Like a ton of bricks, right outta nowhere, temperature...
So we head home, stopping at McDonald's because no kid, even Princess, turns down a chance to eat McDonald's (I know, I gotta knock that off, Big Brother Health Care Law is watching...). Yeah, she didn't want anything to do with that. But it's Opening Day, fer cryin out loud. So SportsTime Ohio it is! Who knew the Indians would be done with Opening Day so early? But Princess is like a slug and relatively warm, so we go to take a nap in Mommy's bed. She's asleep in under a second, I swear, and I turn on the TV to watch the end of the Indians debacle. Once that's over, I switch over to ESPN to watch the Cubbies get their rear ends handed to them, at which time Princess rolls over awake. She just stares at the TV for like 20 minutes, completely silent.
The rest of the day progresses relatively badly, with coughing and runny nose escalating, and I give Princess some Benadryl. So we go to turn off whatever baseball game was on and watch the National Championship (dammit Butler), and Princess jumps up screaming "NOOO!!! Watch baseball!" YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!! But I digress....
Tuesday morning, roughly 6:21am, "wanna watch a show." Wha Wha Wha? Oh, there's a kid there..."no, Princess, it's too early for that, just lay up here in bed." So I pick her up to put her in between us, and this child is holding the fire of 1000 suns in her lil body. And she also had an accident. So we go to the bathroom and I get her cleaned up and in a new pullup and back in my bed. And she wants juice, which is perfect because I can sneak the tylenol in there. Once she's done with that and we're all in bed, I realize that in the 3 cm of space there is for ME to sleep, there's no way to escape her heat, and I suddenly have the urge to rip all of my clothes off and climb into the refrigerator, but she finally drifts back to sleep...then so do I. I SWEAR AS SOON AS I FELL ASLEEP....Daddy's alarm goes off and I hear, "hey...you need to get her some tylenol, she's REALLY hot." Thanks, honey, already did that...annnnnnnnd I just fell asleep!
So, roughly 8:15 now, we're up AGAIN. I knew the power was supposed to go off so that AEP could cut down some tree branches wrapped around the power lines, but we were told 9-10, so I figured I had time to make breakfast and a pot of coffee. I also knew there was no yogurt in the house, so I would have to battle Miss Cranky Butt over a waffle. She started in on "I want some yogurt," and as soon as I countered with "we are all out of yogurt so you have to eat a waffle today," BAM the power goes out...8:32. Way to jump the gun, AEP. Change of plans, we'll go to Kroger and BUY breakfast then to Starbucks and BUY coffee.
The illness is worsening, the patience is running thin...............Wednesday morning, 6:52 am, "here, Princess, lay in bed with Mommy." Crap...."she's been up for a while," I'm told, but apparently I was so freaking tired from Tuesday I didn't even notice. She wants some milk, so I head downstairs, basically sleep walking because I could only hold one open at a time, and get her some milk and some Claritin. And she goes back to bed, in HER bed, and sleeps about 2 more hours. When I find the little shit that got her sick, I'm gonna throw down....
But the Indians won today!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So anyways, Easter...most 4 year old children eat tons of candy, making holidays like Halloween and Easter cheap and affordable. Well, Princess likes to be new and different, so she doesn't eat candy. This means two things: (1) Mommy gains weight twice a year, and (2) these holidays mean very little to her. So getting her excited for the Easter Bunny is quite a chore. See, Santa was easy, especially since we used potty training as a bribe (AWESOME idea, Aunt Wonder Woman!), but the Easter Bunny? It took until very late March to even get her to care. But she did start to answer when asked what the Easter Bunny would bring her....
So Holy Saturday, a day after battling the bug, Neena, Princess, and I went to THE Walmart, just to get Princess out of the house, since the bug had had her confined....and she was driving me crazy. On the way home, we hit up Rita's to get some Chocolate Covered Peeps Italian Ice/Custard (HOLY CRAP that was worth the trip). Once home, we watched the end of the game (dammit, Izzo) and started to watch Moses. Princess goes to bed, with relatively little fanfare since we slept about 4 hours that afternoon, and I start to put things together, since Daddy was at the Vigil Mass.
First up, the slide. This should be a simple task....30 minutes later, after nearly breaking my thumb, that was done. Next, the big wheel. Again, should be no big deal. I jokingly said, "I bet the Jews will be done with their 40 years of suffering before I get this built." I will never make such assesments again, and I'm fairly certain God was punishing me. Moses was up and down the mountain, 40 years passed, and I was still building a friggin big wheel.....
I know what you're thinking, "THAT LOOKS LIKE CHRISTMAS!" What can I say? "Anything worth doin' is worth doin' right," - Jimmy Duggan. So this is totally gonna be AWESOME...morning rolls around, sleepy, somewhat cranky child emerges from her room, down the stairs we go...
Yeah, she's cute, it's cool...you can say it. Church, which she was very excited for, then Great Grandma's for dinner. Princess is just NOT right...tired, cranky, not listening to anyone. Back home, more crank, play outside with ALL her new toys, inside for bath, more crank, head off to bed, asleep in 5 minutes....Monday morning, more crank, hang out with Neena, go to Target, BAM! Like a ton of bricks, right outta nowhere, temperature...
So we head home, stopping at McDonald's because no kid, even Princess, turns down a chance to eat McDonald's (I know, I gotta knock that off, Big Brother Health Care Law is watching...). Yeah, she didn't want anything to do with that. But it's Opening Day, fer cryin out loud. So SportsTime Ohio it is! Who knew the Indians would be done with Opening Day so early? But Princess is like a slug and relatively warm, so we go to take a nap in Mommy's bed. She's asleep in under a second, I swear, and I turn on the TV to watch the end of the Indians debacle. Once that's over, I switch over to ESPN to watch the Cubbies get their rear ends handed to them, at which time Princess rolls over awake. She just stares at the TV for like 20 minutes, completely silent.
The rest of the day progresses relatively badly, with coughing and runny nose escalating, and I give Princess some Benadryl. So we go to turn off whatever baseball game was on and watch the National Championship (dammit Butler), and Princess jumps up screaming "NOOO!!! Watch baseball!" YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!! But I digress....
Tuesday morning, roughly 6:21am, "wanna watch a show." Wha Wha Wha? Oh, there's a kid there..."no, Princess, it's too early for that, just lay up here in bed." So I pick her up to put her in between us, and this child is holding the fire of 1000 suns in her lil body. And she also had an accident. So we go to the bathroom and I get her cleaned up and in a new pullup and back in my bed. And she wants juice, which is perfect because I can sneak the tylenol in there. Once she's done with that and we're all in bed, I realize that in the 3 cm of space there is for ME to sleep, there's no way to escape her heat, and I suddenly have the urge to rip all of my clothes off and climb into the refrigerator, but she finally drifts back to sleep...then so do I. I SWEAR AS SOON AS I FELL ASLEEP....Daddy's alarm goes off and I hear, "hey...you need to get her some tylenol, she's REALLY hot." Thanks, honey, already did that...annnnnnnnd I just fell asleep!
So, roughly 8:15 now, we're up AGAIN. I knew the power was supposed to go off so that AEP could cut down some tree branches wrapped around the power lines, but we were told 9-10, so I figured I had time to make breakfast and a pot of coffee. I also knew there was no yogurt in the house, so I would have to battle Miss Cranky Butt over a waffle. She started in on "I want some yogurt," and as soon as I countered with "we are all out of yogurt so you have to eat a waffle today," BAM the power goes out...8:32. Way to jump the gun, AEP. Change of plans, we'll go to Kroger and BUY breakfast then to Starbucks and BUY coffee.
The illness is worsening, the patience is running thin...............Wednesday morning, 6:52 am, "here, Princess, lay in bed with Mommy." Crap...."she's been up for a while," I'm told, but apparently I was so freaking tired from Tuesday I didn't even notice. She wants some milk, so I head downstairs, basically sleep walking because I could only hold one open at a time, and get her some milk and some Claritin. And she goes back to bed, in HER bed, and sleeps about 2 more hours. When I find the little shit that got her sick, I'm gonna throw down....
But the Indians won today!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, April 2, 2010
The Doctor, The Zoo, and The Evil Bug RETURNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As previously recorded, yesterday was Sophia's 4 year old checkup. She was warned on Wednesday that we would be going to the doctor, but we would then go to the zoo to enjoy the first truly beautiful day of the year. Wednesday, she was totally ok with this....I knew better.
Thursday morning, we rose and attempted breakfast, which is always a chore at our house, since she generally doesn't enjoy sitting down in the morning to eat. I persisted, though, but with little luck. She ate about half a waffle and had some yogurt. Then I told her we needed to get ready to go to the doctor. Had you been here, you would've thought I told her that there was no Santa Claus, or that M*ch*g*n had finally managed to beat Ohio State, because the screaming and the tears were a-flowin'! **REMINDER** We're not even in the car yet...
So it's now time to go get in the car, and I'm thinking "thank God the doctor's office is 2 miles from the house." Pathetically crying, gigantic crocodile tears, mind you, she decides the ONLY way she'll go to the car is if mommy carries her. Great...just love that, since she's 43 pounds. So we get in the car.
Usually, as soon as she gets in the car, she starts requesting tunes, ala "wanna listen to Pink, listen to TBDBITL" etc and so forth. Not on this day, no sir, she just sat there quietly. Drive to the office, not a peep....park the car, get out, walk around to her door, open it...."NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Well this is shaping out to be a pleasant visit! Get inside, more screaming and crying. They call our name, well, her name, clearly, because I'm not getting examined, and she crawls up my leg like a cat being chased up a tree by a dog. Seriously, no joke. She then wraps her legs around my waist with such strength and force, I knew what a mouse feels like when it gets caught by a snake. The poor nurse, I swear when I make another appointment this girl will call off, attempts to get Sophia's height and weight, and who knows how accurate her weight was since she wouldn't let go of my hands, and we head into the exam room.
I don't know how other people's pediatrician's offices are, but ours has three suites of exam rooms and each exam room is decorated with a different theme. My favorite, of course, is the Buckeye Room, with (all rooms have painted murals) Eddie George, the National Championship Trophy, and the Horseshoe (yes, it's true, it's a pediatrician's office). This visit, though, we were in the Looney Tunes room. Now, you'd think a kid that absolutely LOVES animals, would like a room with Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Porky Pig, and Taz (I think there's some others but I don't remember) painted on the walls...we're still not calming down. So now, the poor nurse needs to get her blood pressure. Why not just write a number down? She's freaking out, so you know it's slightly elevated (come to think of it, she never told me what her blood pressure was...). Eventually, we did get it and the poor nurse (who will NEVER work when we come in again) departs. Now we wait for the doctor.
Again, I don't know how other pediatrician offices are, but our doctor's tables are rather high up and have this ladder/stair thing. This kid climbs on everything, so you'd think she would be interested in climbing those, right? HELL TO THE NO. She wouldn't get off of me, like she thought if she got off my lap and relinquished the grip on my neck, she would be beamed up or something. Suddenly, "gotta go pee." So now, we're off to the bathroom. Crafty little minx that she is, she tries to make the great escape, dragging me with the force of 1000 men towards the door, but to no avail. I guide her to the bathroom, and she does her business, and now seems a bit calmer, more relaxed, almost serene. So we're about to head back to the exam room when suddenly, she sees the doctor...
...AND HERE WE GO AGAIN! Yet, even through all the screaming and thrashing, she lets the doctor examine her. Sure, it wasn't a picnic, but he was able to get everything done that needed done. Next, we cuddled up like an infant after a meal, resting her head on my shoulder and grabbing my ear, an adorable trait, might I add. I was able to actually talk to the doctor about things, but it was only permissible if I continued rocking "the baby" so that she felt calm. Even suckers wouldn't get her to stop...so the visit is over and we're set to leave, after I take care of the co-pay, of course. Well Little Miss Sunshine has the patience of a bee in a gigantic hive, so the screaming continued. Luckily for me, the co-pay is $20, which I had in cash. Basically, I through the bill at the poor woman and took off with my receipt.
Once outside, in the glorious sunshine, sucker in hand, Sophia, still clinging my hand and pulling me with the strength of 1000 men, looks up at me, smiles, and says, "I had fun at the doctor...let's go to the zoo." You've got to be kidding me...all the drama, enough to win the Academy Award for the next 10 years, and she comes back with "I had fun at the doctor." Unbelievable....
Next, we're off to the zoo. Lucky for us, the new membership cards arrived in the mail on Wednesday, which meant we would be able to get in with no wait, should there be a crowd. SHOULD there be a crowd? Yeah...there was a crowd. I think we parked two miles away, and this year, there's no chance of taking the stroller, because, as I said, she's something like 44 pounds and 43 inches tall. This means take the wagon...today, my arms burn from pulling her around. I think if we go to the zoo once a week from now until Labor Day, I will be more ripped than Chyna and Hulk Hogan combined (now THAT would be an interesting kid...). But I digress...
So the line to get tickets to get in is about 100 deep, but, as I said, we already got our membership cards, so we just weave our way in. Well, Sophia doesn't like crowds because, as I said, she has NO patience whatsoever, so the fact that the only place without a crowd was, surprisingly, the bathrooms, didn't help me out much. Alas, we did manage to see most of the animals she likes to see, and tackle the playground (why the hell is there a playground at the zoo? The animals aren't enough fun???). But after about four hours of oh-so-much-fun, I decided since it was a little after 4, we needed to leave to avoid the Easter Weekend rush hour blitz. Before we got to the car, we passed 5 bathrooms, and at each one, I prodded, "do you need to go pee before we go?" "No." FIVE BATHROOMS.
She was asleep before we hit 161 on Riverside, not that far, really, and I thought she would make it the whole way home and into her bed, getting a nice little nap in after a rather emotionally draining day. When we got to Henderson and Reed, just before home, though, she woke up. Eh....no big deal, I guess. So put the car in park and I hear the faint voice "gotta go pee." So I think, GOTTA GET IN THE HOUSE, only once I get around to the door and open it, I can see that she has already done it. This, of course, is probably WHY she woke up in the first place, but at least she's not screaming. So we scamper into the house and with Daddy's help, start to get cleaned up. After getting her in a very cute skirt from last year (YAY for still fitting!!), I head back to the car to get the bag from the zoo and to clean up the car seat. While trying to remove the seat pads to wash them, I notice that it went all the way to the car seat itself...good lord, what did she drink???? Anyway, not important...
So we all have dinner and relax with all the windows open, enjoy the rest of the beautiful day, but Sophia is noticably cranky. Anytime anyone asks her about her day, she gets upset and starts to cry. Ain't no thang, she's just sleepy....so this morning....
I heard her up playing with her toys in our room, so I was starting to gather my wits about me. (I am NOT a morning person, why is my child?) Then I hear it, the unmistakable sound of a child vomiting. Of course, knowing she's at the foot of my bed, I jump up like I stole something to try and keep as much of it off the floor as I can. Only, there's nothing there. Ah, maybe she was just goofin around. So she then goes into her room, I start to get dressed, and I hear it again, only this time, when I check, there it is. Now, to keep it as non-graphic as possible, it wasn't too terrible. It looked like a college kid that had too much fun at the bar but didn't eat anything that day. BUT...I did manage to get her into the bathroom and over the toilet, telling her that when her tummy feels like that and she starts to get sick, she needs to get in the bathroom and over the toilet. (Yes, she is 4. Yes, she has never had THAT kind of flu.)
So we get dressed and head down for breakfast. Another day of battle but since she just got sick, I wasn't about to push it. She had a yogurt and munched a little bit on some Cheerios, but nothing too filling. Then I went to THE Walmart to tell the Easter Bunny what Sophia wanted from him. When I got home, we were playing upstairs in my bed and suddenly, there was a SMELL. Taken back a little bit, I said, "Sophia did you fart?" Nothin but giggles and smiles now. I seriously had to check if she sharted. It was that bad. But she hadn't. Then she did it again, still nothing. Then she did it again, only this time, she grabbed her tummy and said "I gotta go pee." So off to the bathroom we go. This time, she HAD indeed sharted, so I told her to sit on the potty until I got her clean underwear. While walking away, I heard what I though was her peeing.
**WARNING** THE BUG RETURNS **WARNING** Now, I don't generally believe in this wacky stuff, but...so when Sophia switched from formula to milk, she got an ear infection and was put on Amoxycillin. She then had a HORRIBLE time digesting milk. Our pediatrician gave me this Probiotic, called Florastor Kids, and told me to give it to her twice a day. He said that sometimes kids get all out of whack, but this gets their digestive systems right back on track. IT WORKS LIKE A CHARM. If your kid ever gets the green-apple trots, go IMMEDIATELY to a pharmacy, ask the pharmacist for Florastor Kids, and slip it in their juice twice a day. **WARNING** THE BUG RETURNS **WARNING**
So I'm back with the clean underpants, only that does NOT smell like pee. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE BUG RETURNS!!!!!!!!!!!! After cleaning her up, and praising her like CRAZY for doing it in the potty and not on the floor, I dash down to the kitchen to get her some juice. I then start to raid the medicine basket, desperately hoping that I have Florastor left from the last time we had the bug. YES! SUCCESS!! So I lace up the juice. Crap...she won't drink this juice. Sometimes, even the best sleuth can't fool my Sophia...I hope this skill comes in handy with other people but truly, it pisses me off when I can't sneak one in. After bug #3, I get her to take the juice with the Florastor in it. After a very tense dinner with a very hot, very sleepy little girl, Daddy and Sophia head down to the nice, cool basement and practice putting, while Mommy cleans up dinner (we had breakfast for dinner, because it was the only thing I could think of to make that wouldn't make the house hotter than it already is). I then spray the CRAP out of everything in the house with Lysol and run the vacuum, for about the fourth time this week.
So we're all just hanging out, relaxing as the sun starts to go down and the temperature starts to cool. Sophia is playing, I'm listening to tunes and checking email, Daddy is getting all clean to go play with the DiNovos. Sophia then wants her bath. She's nearly falling asleep in the tub, because she probably should've napped, which then leads to yet another fit, which then makes me wanna reach for the bottle of Jack under the sink.
After some juice and an episode of Jack's Big Music Show, she's once again a happy kid, playing with her toys, winding down from her day. I'm sitting in my chair, removing my toe nail polish, getting my feet ready for the "I'm not wearing anything but sandals unless I'm going to work" pedicure, when I hear this GOD AWFUL sound come from Sophia's stomach. It was a sound unlike any other on Earth. You know the sound from Finch in American Pie right after Stiffler slips him the laxative? It was worse. I think she even shocked herself, too, because she just stood, frozen in the dining room, alligator in one hand, monkey in the other, with big, brown, confused little eyes and says "I GOTTA GO PEE!!!"
Once we waddle to the bathroom, I can see there is no way to get this situation under control, unless I make her stand OVER the toilet. Well she wanted nothing to do with this, but between holding onto my neck for dear life and smacking me, I managed to wrangle her free of the soupy underpants and start to clean her up. All day long, whenever she went to the bathroom, she would scream with terror every time it was time to wipe, but I couldn't figure out why. I now see why, as her little butt is so red she could be Block O all by herself....great, no Desitin. Vaseline it is. ALOT of Vaseline.
So now, she's sleeping peacefully, Daddy is at the DiNovos, and I'm about to start on my pedicure...HAPPY EASTER EVERYBODY!!!
Thursday morning, we rose and attempted breakfast, which is always a chore at our house, since she generally doesn't enjoy sitting down in the morning to eat. I persisted, though, but with little luck. She ate about half a waffle and had some yogurt. Then I told her we needed to get ready to go to the doctor. Had you been here, you would've thought I told her that there was no Santa Claus, or that M*ch*g*n had finally managed to beat Ohio State, because the screaming and the tears were a-flowin'! **REMINDER** We're not even in the car yet...
So it's now time to go get in the car, and I'm thinking "thank God the doctor's office is 2 miles from the house." Pathetically crying, gigantic crocodile tears, mind you, she decides the ONLY way she'll go to the car is if mommy carries her. Great...just love that, since she's 43 pounds. So we get in the car.
Usually, as soon as she gets in the car, she starts requesting tunes, ala "wanna listen to Pink, listen to TBDBITL" etc and so forth. Not on this day, no sir, she just sat there quietly. Drive to the office, not a peep....park the car, get out, walk around to her door, open it...."NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Well this is shaping out to be a pleasant visit! Get inside, more screaming and crying. They call our name, well, her name, clearly, because I'm not getting examined, and she crawls up my leg like a cat being chased up a tree by a dog. Seriously, no joke. She then wraps her legs around my waist with such strength and force, I knew what a mouse feels like when it gets caught by a snake. The poor nurse, I swear when I make another appointment this girl will call off, attempts to get Sophia's height and weight, and who knows how accurate her weight was since she wouldn't let go of my hands, and we head into the exam room.
I don't know how other people's pediatrician's offices are, but ours has three suites of exam rooms and each exam room is decorated with a different theme. My favorite, of course, is the Buckeye Room, with (all rooms have painted murals) Eddie George, the National Championship Trophy, and the Horseshoe (yes, it's true, it's a pediatrician's office). This visit, though, we were in the Looney Tunes room. Now, you'd think a kid that absolutely LOVES animals, would like a room with Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Porky Pig, and Taz (I think there's some others but I don't remember) painted on the walls...we're still not calming down. So now, the poor nurse needs to get her blood pressure. Why not just write a number down? She's freaking out, so you know it's slightly elevated (come to think of it, she never told me what her blood pressure was...). Eventually, we did get it and the poor nurse (who will NEVER work when we come in again) departs. Now we wait for the doctor.
Again, I don't know how other pediatrician offices are, but our doctor's tables are rather high up and have this ladder/stair thing. This kid climbs on everything, so you'd think she would be interested in climbing those, right? HELL TO THE NO. She wouldn't get off of me, like she thought if she got off my lap and relinquished the grip on my neck, she would be beamed up or something. Suddenly, "gotta go pee." So now, we're off to the bathroom. Crafty little minx that she is, she tries to make the great escape, dragging me with the force of 1000 men towards the door, but to no avail. I guide her to the bathroom, and she does her business, and now seems a bit calmer, more relaxed, almost serene. So we're about to head back to the exam room when suddenly, she sees the doctor...
...AND HERE WE GO AGAIN! Yet, even through all the screaming and thrashing, she lets the doctor examine her. Sure, it wasn't a picnic, but he was able to get everything done that needed done. Next, we cuddled up like an infant after a meal, resting her head on my shoulder and grabbing my ear, an adorable trait, might I add. I was able to actually talk to the doctor about things, but it was only permissible if I continued rocking "the baby" so that she felt calm. Even suckers wouldn't get her to stop...so the visit is over and we're set to leave, after I take care of the co-pay, of course. Well Little Miss Sunshine has the patience of a bee in a gigantic hive, so the screaming continued. Luckily for me, the co-pay is $20, which I had in cash. Basically, I through the bill at the poor woman and took off with my receipt.
Once outside, in the glorious sunshine, sucker in hand, Sophia, still clinging my hand and pulling me with the strength of 1000 men, looks up at me, smiles, and says, "I had fun at the doctor...let's go to the zoo." You've got to be kidding me...all the drama, enough to win the Academy Award for the next 10 years, and she comes back with "I had fun at the doctor." Unbelievable....
Next, we're off to the zoo. Lucky for us, the new membership cards arrived in the mail on Wednesday, which meant we would be able to get in with no wait, should there be a crowd. SHOULD there be a crowd? Yeah...there was a crowd. I think we parked two miles away, and this year, there's no chance of taking the stroller, because, as I said, she's something like 44 pounds and 43 inches tall. This means take the wagon...today, my arms burn from pulling her around. I think if we go to the zoo once a week from now until Labor Day, I will be more ripped than Chyna and Hulk Hogan combined (now THAT would be an interesting kid...). But I digress...
So the line to get tickets to get in is about 100 deep, but, as I said, we already got our membership cards, so we just weave our way in. Well, Sophia doesn't like crowds because, as I said, she has NO patience whatsoever, so the fact that the only place without a crowd was, surprisingly, the bathrooms, didn't help me out much. Alas, we did manage to see most of the animals she likes to see, and tackle the playground (why the hell is there a playground at the zoo? The animals aren't enough fun???). But after about four hours of oh-so-much-fun, I decided since it was a little after 4, we needed to leave to avoid the Easter Weekend rush hour blitz. Before we got to the car, we passed 5 bathrooms, and at each one, I prodded, "do you need to go pee before we go?" "No." FIVE BATHROOMS.
She was asleep before we hit 161 on Riverside, not that far, really, and I thought she would make it the whole way home and into her bed, getting a nice little nap in after a rather emotionally draining day. When we got to Henderson and Reed, just before home, though, she woke up. Eh....no big deal, I guess. So put the car in park and I hear the faint voice "gotta go pee." So I think, GOTTA GET IN THE HOUSE, only once I get around to the door and open it, I can see that she has already done it. This, of course, is probably WHY she woke up in the first place, but at least she's not screaming. So we scamper into the house and with Daddy's help, start to get cleaned up. After getting her in a very cute skirt from last year (YAY for still fitting!!), I head back to the car to get the bag from the zoo and to clean up the car seat. While trying to remove the seat pads to wash them, I notice that it went all the way to the car seat itself...good lord, what did she drink???? Anyway, not important...
So we all have dinner and relax with all the windows open, enjoy the rest of the beautiful day, but Sophia is noticably cranky. Anytime anyone asks her about her day, she gets upset and starts to cry. Ain't no thang, she's just sleepy....so this morning....
I heard her up playing with her toys in our room, so I was starting to gather my wits about me. (I am NOT a morning person, why is my child?) Then I hear it, the unmistakable sound of a child vomiting. Of course, knowing she's at the foot of my bed, I jump up like I stole something to try and keep as much of it off the floor as I can. Only, there's nothing there. Ah, maybe she was just goofin around. So she then goes into her room, I start to get dressed, and I hear it again, only this time, when I check, there it is. Now, to keep it as non-graphic as possible, it wasn't too terrible. It looked like a college kid that had too much fun at the bar but didn't eat anything that day. BUT...I did manage to get her into the bathroom and over the toilet, telling her that when her tummy feels like that and she starts to get sick, she needs to get in the bathroom and over the toilet. (Yes, she is 4. Yes, she has never had THAT kind of flu.)
So we get dressed and head down for breakfast. Another day of battle but since she just got sick, I wasn't about to push it. She had a yogurt and munched a little bit on some Cheerios, but nothing too filling. Then I went to THE Walmart to tell the Easter Bunny what Sophia wanted from him. When I got home, we were playing upstairs in my bed and suddenly, there was a SMELL. Taken back a little bit, I said, "Sophia did you fart?" Nothin but giggles and smiles now. I seriously had to check if she sharted. It was that bad. But she hadn't. Then she did it again, still nothing. Then she did it again, only this time, she grabbed her tummy and said "I gotta go pee." So off to the bathroom we go. This time, she HAD indeed sharted, so I told her to sit on the potty until I got her clean underwear. While walking away, I heard what I though was her peeing.
**WARNING** THE BUG RETURNS **WARNING** Now, I don't generally believe in this wacky stuff, but...so when Sophia switched from formula to milk, she got an ear infection and was put on Amoxycillin. She then had a HORRIBLE time digesting milk. Our pediatrician gave me this Probiotic, called Florastor Kids, and told me to give it to her twice a day. He said that sometimes kids get all out of whack, but this gets their digestive systems right back on track. IT WORKS LIKE A CHARM. If your kid ever gets the green-apple trots, go IMMEDIATELY to a pharmacy, ask the pharmacist for Florastor Kids, and slip it in their juice twice a day. **WARNING** THE BUG RETURNS **WARNING**
So I'm back with the clean underpants, only that does NOT smell like pee. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE BUG RETURNS!!!!!!!!!!!! After cleaning her up, and praising her like CRAZY for doing it in the potty and not on the floor, I dash down to the kitchen to get her some juice. I then start to raid the medicine basket, desperately hoping that I have Florastor left from the last time we had the bug. YES! SUCCESS!! So I lace up the juice. Crap...she won't drink this juice. Sometimes, even the best sleuth can't fool my Sophia...I hope this skill comes in handy with other people but truly, it pisses me off when I can't sneak one in. After bug #3, I get her to take the juice with the Florastor in it. After a very tense dinner with a very hot, very sleepy little girl, Daddy and Sophia head down to the nice, cool basement and practice putting, while Mommy cleans up dinner (we had breakfast for dinner, because it was the only thing I could think of to make that wouldn't make the house hotter than it already is). I then spray the CRAP out of everything in the house with Lysol and run the vacuum, for about the fourth time this week.
So we're all just hanging out, relaxing as the sun starts to go down and the temperature starts to cool. Sophia is playing, I'm listening to tunes and checking email, Daddy is getting all clean to go play with the DiNovos. Sophia then wants her bath. She's nearly falling asleep in the tub, because she probably should've napped, which then leads to yet another fit, which then makes me wanna reach for the bottle of Jack under the sink.
After some juice and an episode of Jack's Big Music Show, she's once again a happy kid, playing with her toys, winding down from her day. I'm sitting in my chair, removing my toe nail polish, getting my feet ready for the "I'm not wearing anything but sandals unless I'm going to work" pedicure, when I hear this GOD AWFUL sound come from Sophia's stomach. It was a sound unlike any other on Earth. You know the sound from Finch in American Pie right after Stiffler slips him the laxative? It was worse. I think she even shocked herself, too, because she just stood, frozen in the dining room, alligator in one hand, monkey in the other, with big, brown, confused little eyes and says "I GOTTA GO PEE!!!"
Once we waddle to the bathroom, I can see there is no way to get this situation under control, unless I make her stand OVER the toilet. Well she wanted nothing to do with this, but between holding onto my neck for dear life and smacking me, I managed to wrangle her free of the soupy underpants and start to clean her up. All day long, whenever she went to the bathroom, she would scream with terror every time it was time to wipe, but I couldn't figure out why. I now see why, as her little butt is so red she could be Block O all by herself....great, no Desitin. Vaseline it is. ALOT of Vaseline.
So now, she's sleeping peacefully, Daddy is at the DiNovos, and I'm about to start on my pedicure...HAPPY EASTER EVERYBODY!!!
Dr Update
As predicted, it was not a pleasant visit! The screaming/crying/resisting began before we even got in the car to go. Once there, it continued in the waiting room, then on the scales, then during the nurses exam (because you know, the nurse for the pediatrician actually does about 90% of the actual visits, both well and sick), finally settling down somewhat during the wait for the dr. At this time, she decided she needed to pee, so we then walked down the hall to the bathroom, where she seemed almost spritely. Then we walked out of the bathroom and she saw the dr....oh. my. God. I needed a sedative....and then something for the child. All in all, surprise surprise, she's healthy.
43.5 lbs, 43" (that's 91st percentile for weight, 98 for height...yeah, she's big)
And the drama continued back into the lobby, where I had to of course delay the departure while I took care of the co-pay. Open the door..."I had fun at the doctor, let's go to the zoo." SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?!?!!!
Tomorrow I will present a more in-depth look at our doctor visit, along with a little something I like to call "people I saw at the zoo." For now, time to hit the sack with all the windows open!!!!!!!!!!! SPRING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
43.5 lbs, 43" (that's 91st percentile for weight, 98 for height...yeah, she's big)
And the drama continued back into the lobby, where I had to of course delay the departure while I took care of the co-pay. Open the door..."I had fun at the doctor, let's go to the zoo." SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?!?!!!
Tomorrow I will present a more in-depth look at our doctor visit, along with a little something I like to call "people I saw at the zoo." For now, time to hit the sack with all the windows open!!!!!!!!!!! SPRING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, April 1, 2010
The Doctor....
Today, Sophia needs to see the doctor for her 4 year checkup, which I have managed to put off for as long as I could. I HATE taking her to the doctor, because she is so absolutely afraid of him, that she just screams and climbs on me the entire time. Then I can't ask him anything because (a) I can't hear him and (b) he doesn't want to listen anyway. So stay tuned....
Don't Ask, Don't Tell....
This is grade A proof that the word "retard" should still be in the English language, because THIS is retarded. Who gives a flying tomato who likes who when it comes to someone WILLING, ABLE, and CAPABLE of defending our country VOLUNTARILY, so that we may continue to enjoy the freedoms we've become so accustomed to? I mean, honestly. Pick one: (1) a gay guy built like The Rock, without 'Roids, or (2) a straight guy that looks like Jared, before Subway. Honestly, who do you want out in the freaking desert in the Middle East defending us? I take option 1, thank you very much.
And don't give me some bologna story about "a gay guy might fall in love with the guy in the fox hole with him" because that's a load of GARBAGE. A straight guy might fall in love with the female soldier in the fox hole with him, but no one worries about that. And I'm fairly certain that gay guys and gals can spot their "own kind" and are quite capable of controlling themselves. Honestly, get your head outta your ass, people. No such thing as "Pray Away the Gay."
I apologize for the angry tone...it's been a long day and I'm peacing out.
And don't give me some bologna story about "a gay guy might fall in love with the guy in the fox hole with him" because that's a load of GARBAGE. A straight guy might fall in love with the female soldier in the fox hole with him, but no one worries about that. And I'm fairly certain that gay guys and gals can spot their "own kind" and are quite capable of controlling themselves. Honestly, get your head outta your ass, people. No such thing as "Pray Away the Gay."
I apologize for the angry tone...it's been a long day and I'm peacing out.
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