As previously recorded, yesterday was Sophia's 4 year old checkup. She was warned on Wednesday that we would be going to the doctor, but we would then go to the zoo to enjoy the first truly beautiful day of the year. Wednesday, she was totally ok with this....I knew better.
Thursday morning, we rose and attempted breakfast, which is always a chore at our house, since she generally doesn't enjoy sitting down in the morning to eat. I persisted, though, but with little luck. She ate about half a waffle and had some yogurt. Then I told her we needed to get ready to go to the doctor. Had you been here, you would've thought I told her that there was no Santa Claus, or that M*ch*g*n had finally managed to beat Ohio State, because the screaming and the tears were a-flowin'! **REMINDER** We're not even in the car yet...
So it's now time to go get in the car, and I'm thinking "thank God the doctor's office is 2 miles from the house." Pathetically crying, gigantic crocodile tears, mind you, she decides the ONLY way she'll go to the car is if mommy carries her. Great...just love that, since she's 43 pounds. So we get in the car.
Usually, as soon as she gets in the car, she starts requesting tunes, ala "wanna listen to Pink, listen to TBDBITL" etc and so forth. Not on this day, no sir, she just sat there quietly. Drive to the office, not a peep....park the car, get out, walk around to her door, open it...."NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Well this is shaping out to be a pleasant visit! Get inside, more screaming and crying. They call our name, well, her name, clearly, because I'm not getting examined, and she crawls up my leg like a cat being chased up a tree by a dog. Seriously, no joke. She then wraps her legs around my waist with such strength and force, I knew what a mouse feels like when it gets caught by a snake. The poor nurse, I swear when I make another appointment this girl will call off, attempts to get Sophia's height and weight, and who knows how accurate her weight was since she wouldn't let go of my hands, and we head into the exam room.
I don't know how other people's pediatrician's offices are, but ours has three suites of exam rooms and each exam room is decorated with a different theme. My favorite, of course, is the Buckeye Room, with (all rooms have painted murals) Eddie George, the National Championship Trophy, and the Horseshoe (yes, it's true, it's a pediatrician's office). This visit, though, we were in the Looney Tunes room. Now, you'd think a kid that absolutely LOVES animals, would like a room with Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Porky Pig, and Taz (I think there's some others but I don't remember) painted on the walls...we're still not calming down. So now, the poor nurse needs to get her blood pressure. Why not just write a number down? She's freaking out, so you know it's slightly elevated (come to think of it, she never told me what her blood pressure was...). Eventually, we did get it and the poor nurse (who will NEVER work when we come in again) departs. Now we wait for the doctor.
Again, I don't know how other pediatrician offices are, but our doctor's tables are rather high up and have this ladder/stair thing. This kid climbs on everything, so you'd think she would be interested in climbing those, right? HELL TO THE NO. She wouldn't get off of me, like she thought if she got off my lap and relinquished the grip on my neck, she would be beamed up or something. Suddenly, "gotta go pee." So now, we're off to the bathroom. Crafty little minx that she is, she tries to make the great escape, dragging me with the force of 1000 men towards the door, but to no avail. I guide her to the bathroom, and she does her business, and now seems a bit calmer, more relaxed, almost serene. So we're about to head back to the exam room when suddenly, she sees the doctor...
...AND HERE WE GO AGAIN! Yet, even through all the screaming and thrashing, she lets the doctor examine her. Sure, it wasn't a picnic, but he was able to get everything done that needed done. Next, we cuddled up like an infant after a meal, resting her head on my shoulder and grabbing my ear, an adorable trait, might I add. I was able to actually talk to the doctor about things, but it was only permissible if I continued rocking "the baby" so that she felt calm. Even suckers wouldn't get her to stop...so the visit is over and we're set to leave, after I take care of the co-pay, of course. Well Little Miss Sunshine has the patience of a bee in a gigantic hive, so the screaming continued. Luckily for me, the co-pay is $20, which I had in cash. Basically, I through the bill at the poor woman and took off with my receipt.
Once outside, in the glorious sunshine, sucker in hand, Sophia, still clinging my hand and pulling me with the strength of 1000 men, looks up at me, smiles, and says, "I had fun at the doctor...let's go to the zoo." You've got to be kidding me...all the drama, enough to win the Academy Award for the next 10 years, and she comes back with "I had fun at the doctor." Unbelievable....
Next, we're off to the zoo. Lucky for us, the new membership cards arrived in the mail on Wednesday, which meant we would be able to get in with no wait, should there be a crowd. SHOULD there be a crowd? Yeah...there was a crowd. I think we parked two miles away, and this year, there's no chance of taking the stroller, because, as I said, she's something like 44 pounds and 43 inches tall. This means take the wagon...today, my arms burn from pulling her around. I think if we go to the zoo once a week from now until Labor Day, I will be more ripped than Chyna and Hulk Hogan combined (now THAT would be an interesting kid...). But I digress...
So the line to get tickets to get in is about 100 deep, but, as I said, we already got our membership cards, so we just weave our way in. Well, Sophia doesn't like crowds because, as I said, she has NO patience whatsoever, so the fact that the only place without a crowd was, surprisingly, the bathrooms, didn't help me out much. Alas, we did manage to see most of the animals she likes to see, and tackle the playground (why the hell is there a playground at the zoo? The animals aren't enough fun???). But after about four hours of oh-so-much-fun, I decided since it was a little after 4, we needed to leave to avoid the Easter Weekend rush hour blitz. Before we got to the car, we passed 5 bathrooms, and at each one, I prodded, "do you need to go pee before we go?" "No." FIVE BATHROOMS.
She was asleep before we hit 161 on Riverside, not that far, really, and I thought she would make it the whole way home and into her bed, getting a nice little nap in after a rather emotionally draining day. When we got to Henderson and Reed, just before home, though, she woke up. Eh....no big deal, I guess. So put the car in park and I hear the faint voice "gotta go pee." So I think, GOTTA GET IN THE HOUSE, only once I get around to the door and open it, I can see that she has already done it. This, of course, is probably WHY she woke up in the first place, but at least she's not screaming. So we scamper into the house and with Daddy's help, start to get cleaned up. After getting her in a very cute skirt from last year (YAY for still fitting!!), I head back to the car to get the bag from the zoo and to clean up the car seat. While trying to remove the seat pads to wash them, I notice that it went all the way to the car seat itself...good lord, what did she drink???? Anyway, not important...
So we all have dinner and relax with all the windows open, enjoy the rest of the beautiful day, but Sophia is noticably cranky. Anytime anyone asks her about her day, she gets upset and starts to cry. Ain't no thang, she's just sleepy....so this morning....
I heard her up playing with her toys in our room, so I was starting to gather my wits about me. (I am NOT a morning person, why is my child?) Then I hear it, the unmistakable sound of a child vomiting. Of course, knowing she's at the foot of my bed, I jump up like I stole something to try and keep as much of it off the floor as I can. Only, there's nothing there. Ah, maybe she was just goofin around. So she then goes into her room, I start to get dressed, and I hear it again, only this time, when I check, there it is. Now, to keep it as non-graphic as possible, it wasn't too terrible. It looked like a college kid that had too much fun at the bar but didn't eat anything that day. BUT...I did manage to get her into the bathroom and over the toilet, telling her that when her tummy feels like that and she starts to get sick, she needs to get in the bathroom and over the toilet. (Yes, she is 4. Yes, she has never had THAT kind of flu.)
So we get dressed and head down for breakfast. Another day of battle but since she just got sick, I wasn't about to push it. She had a yogurt and munched a little bit on some Cheerios, but nothing too filling. Then I went to THE Walmart to tell the Easter Bunny what Sophia wanted from him. When I got home, we were playing upstairs in my bed and suddenly, there was a SMELL. Taken back a little bit, I said, "Sophia did you fart?" Nothin but giggles and smiles now. I seriously had to check if she sharted. It was that bad. But she hadn't. Then she did it again, still nothing. Then she did it again, only this time, she grabbed her tummy and said "I gotta go pee." So off to the bathroom we go. This time, she HAD indeed sharted, so I told her to sit on the potty until I got her clean underwear. While walking away, I heard what I though was her peeing.
**WARNING** THE BUG RETURNS **WARNING** Now, I don't generally believe in this wacky stuff, but...so when Sophia switched from formula to milk, she got an ear infection and was put on Amoxycillin. She then had a HORRIBLE time digesting milk. Our pediatrician gave me this Probiotic, called Florastor Kids, and told me to give it to her twice a day. He said that sometimes kids get all out of whack, but this gets their digestive systems right back on track. IT WORKS LIKE A CHARM. If your kid ever gets the green-apple trots, go IMMEDIATELY to a pharmacy, ask the pharmacist for Florastor Kids, and slip it in their juice twice a day. **WARNING** THE BUG RETURNS **WARNING**
So I'm back with the clean underpants, only that does NOT smell like pee. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE BUG RETURNS!!!!!!!!!!!! After cleaning her up, and praising her like CRAZY for doing it in the potty and not on the floor, I dash down to the kitchen to get her some juice. I then start to raid the medicine basket, desperately hoping that I have Florastor left from the last time we had the bug. YES! SUCCESS!! So I lace up the juice. Crap...she won't drink this juice. Sometimes, even the best sleuth can't fool my Sophia...I hope this skill comes in handy with other people but truly, it pisses me off when I can't sneak one in. After bug #3, I get her to take the juice with the Florastor in it. After a very tense dinner with a very hot, very sleepy little girl, Daddy and Sophia head down to the nice, cool basement and practice putting, while Mommy cleans up dinner (we had breakfast for dinner, because it was the only thing I could think of to make that wouldn't make the house hotter than it already is). I then spray the CRAP out of everything in the house with Lysol and run the vacuum, for about the fourth time this week.
So we're all just hanging out, relaxing as the sun starts to go down and the temperature starts to cool. Sophia is playing, I'm listening to tunes and checking email, Daddy is getting all clean to go play with the DiNovos. Sophia then wants her bath. She's nearly falling asleep in the tub, because she probably should've napped, which then leads to yet another fit, which then makes me wanna reach for the bottle of Jack under the sink.
After some juice and an episode of Jack's Big Music Show, she's once again a happy kid, playing with her toys, winding down from her day. I'm sitting in my chair, removing my toe nail polish, getting my feet ready for the "I'm not wearing anything but sandals unless I'm going to work" pedicure, when I hear this GOD AWFUL sound come from Sophia's stomach. It was a sound unlike any other on Earth. You know the sound from Finch in American Pie right after Stiffler slips him the laxative? It was worse. I think she even shocked herself, too, because she just stood, frozen in the dining room, alligator in one hand, monkey in the other, with big, brown, confused little eyes and says "I GOTTA GO PEE!!!"
Once we waddle to the bathroom, I can see there is no way to get this situation under control, unless I make her stand OVER the toilet. Well she wanted nothing to do with this, but between holding onto my neck for dear life and smacking me, I managed to wrangle her free of the soupy underpants and start to clean her up. All day long, whenever she went to the bathroom, she would scream with terror every time it was time to wipe, but I couldn't figure out why. I now see why, as her little butt is so red she could be Block O all by herself....great, no Desitin. Vaseline it is. ALOT of Vaseline.
So now, she's sleeping peacefully, Daddy is at the DiNovos, and I'm about to start on my pedicure...HAPPY EASTER EVERYBODY!!!
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